Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Chapter Fifty-Seven: Literally, A Blog Entry
So, we've completed our hectic week of UK promo and we're supposed to get on a plane in a few hours, but I'm too wired for sleep at this moment. Maybe it's because I've tried to stay on US time and go to bed at 5am and wake up at 1pm. Of course, because there're things to do earlier than that it hasn't worked and I've just been tired all the time. One of these days I'll figure out jetlag.

I was just thinking, though: have you ever noticed how often people misuse the word "literally," and, usually, hilariously. "That show literally sucked!" Actually, sounds like a pretty good show to me. One of my friends from college, when describing a particularly fun evening exclaimed, "We LITERALLY had a blast!" So, there was some sort of suicide bombing, or, you had to toss out your underwear the morning after? One of Tim's British friends says things like, "It was literally bonkers," or (my favorite), "this town is literally full of mentalists," which, I won't even begin to figure out what the fuck she's talking about.

When you think about it, "literally" used properly is pretty boring. But the next time you hear someone using it in the place of "really", I guarantee it's going to be good stuff.

Also, can you fucking believe Dick Cheney shot a 78-year-old man in the face? In an effort to reassure the public, the emergency room doctor "estimated that Mr. Whittington had more than 5 but 'probably less than 150 to 200' pellets lodged in his body." Just humor me and re-read that sentence. Imagine if you were the victim and you had this conversation with the doctor:

Doctor: "So, I've got some good news and some bad news."
You: "OK."
Doctor: "The bad news is that you have at least five shotgun pellets lodged in your body."
You: "OK, yeah, I mean, that sounds pretty bad."
Doctor: "But, on the bright side, it's less than 150, well, DEFINITELY less than 200. Hmm, ok, PROBABLY less than 150 to 200."
You: "Oh, OK, well, I guess that's not so bad. I mean, it's ONLY 150 to 200 small pieces of metal lodged into parts of my face, neck and chest... yeah, ok, I guess that's not too bad."

Now THERE'S a guy that literally had a blast.

Love,
Rusty

20 Comments:

Anonymous pellaros said...

I REALLY laughed at that mentalist quote. hehe

1:14 AM  
Anonymous sarah said...

don't forget the next news the doctor brought--"oh and by the way, that chest pain? yeah you're having a heart attack cause some of those metal pieces are in your heart. Don't ya just love our vice president?"

2:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"We LITERALLY had a blast!"
I don't think this makes any sense. It's just an extra word stuck in between We and had. Overemphasizing I say. I think it's just another way of saying "We like really had a blast." Yesss! Valley girl talk.

2:30 AM  
Anonymous Jean said...

I was going to go quail hunting with Dick Cheney this weekend, I guess it's a good thing I got snowed out...

2:57 AM  
Blogger Katy* said...

Rusty, you're starting to sound like Damian. Though I suppose you're not really complaining about "literally"...

Also, why couldn't it have been Cheney who got shot? Damn...

3:05 PM  
Blogger Hannaluvsshinythings said...

Well I "literally" had a good time yesterday at Fopp. Tush im going to think before using that word now...

5:32 PM  
Anonymous dana said...

Rusty, is it said that I like you more than my boyfriend? Literally.

7:20 PM  
Blogger christobah said...

do you like your graham chapman book?

7:39 PM  
Anonymous Fabulous Karleigh said...

how can "less than 150 to 200" bullets be an accident? I mean, I can understand less than 100, but 150-200 is literally bonkers.

8:31 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Fabulous Karleigh: it was birdshot. You only have to shoot once and it literally scatters all over. Like a cluster bomb, but tiny and cute for tiny, cute birds. Ech.

For me, the kicker is that the guy who got shot was wearing a bright orange hunting vest, and that still didn't stop the Cheneybot. If I were his wife, I'd be writing Dick a sternly worded letter about the important of safety toute de suite.

10:50 PM  
Blogger Katy* said...

"the Cheneybot"

Hahahahaha.

12:20 PM  
Anonymous Collette said...

*is laughing hysterically for some reason*

10:24 PM  
Anonymous Donz said...

Is this the part where I go on about my LITERALLY burgeoning infatuation with the man himself? Rusty, you rock.

12:04 AM  
Blogger JLTH said...

My personal favorite:
"She literally paints a picture with her words."
If that's not worthy of praise, I don't know what is.

4:40 PM  
Anonymous Rianne said...

In addition to hearlessly mocking people who don't take literally literally, it's also quite amusing to react as if they meant it that way ("Wow, really!? Was anyone hurt?"). Ahh...one of the few pleasures of grammar Nazism.

2:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm glad you had a nice Valentine's Day.
And I'm glad you pointed out Dick Cheney's accident. Bush and Cheney really are a pair--one has lame jokes and the other shoots people in the head.
Geez...
Take care and peace out.

5:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm glad you had a nice Valentine's Day.
And I'm glad you pointed out Dick Cheney's accident. Bush and Cheney really are a pair--one has lame jokes and the other shoots people in the head.
Geez...
Take care and peace out.

5:20 AM  
Anonymous Felster said...

Havent you seen that old mad tv scetch... the guy and girl are in a movie theratre and keep on saying things like "that man just bumped into me so hard that I think
he literally impregnated me. LITERALLY!" HA!...

10:56 AM  
Anonymous Diana said...

hahaha oh man Andy, that is hilarious. i really laughed out loud on the "we literally had a blast". hope you had a fantastic birthday in Austin, TX.

5:38 AM  
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4:04 PM  

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