Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Chapter Fifty-Five: Stapp Infection
Can we take a break from nerd school for a second? I know that everyone loves arguing about the word "utilize," and once in a while we all need to show off our New York Times Op-Ed pieces, but enough z'nuff. Let's get back to talking about hot dogs. Or, better yet, let's talk about my favorite subject: good-ol'-fashioned scrappin'!

As I'm sure many of you newshounds are aware, two of modern music's greatest musical forces collided over the weekend. Yes, Scott Stapp and 311 got into an honest-to-goodness brawl:

Stapp...came into the Harbor Court Hotel bar while [311 drummer] Sexton and band mates SA Martinez and P-Nut were watching basketball on television. He stepped in front of the screen and said, "311, I am ready to fight," according to Sexton.

Sexton said the band tried to defuse the situation, and Stapp went to the bar to drink. Later, he made "inappropriate" comments to Martinez's wife, and was confrontational with Sexton.

"All of a sudden, he clocked me in the left side of my face," Sexton said. "Then a huge fight broke out."

Holy Shit! I don't know which is more ridiculous, the deadpan expression "311, I am ready to fight," or Stapp's outfit in this picture:

The open shirt, leather jacket, flower necklace, actual necklace and shit-eating grin just explode inside my mind.

Anyway, back to the facts, or 311's version of them. According to them, ultra-prick Scott Stapp walks into a bar, acts like a complete asshole and picks a fight with an entire band. I certainly don't care to award Scott Stapp any smart points at all, but something about this story smells a little fishy. I mean, WWJD?

Alas, it seems 311's account of the evening may be a little blurry (and knowing 311—which I don’t—possibly hallucinogenated, munchy-driven, and, one suspects, "dude, that Stapp guy is a total loser...let's kick his ass"-filled):

But Jonathan Jordan, director of security at the hotel, said the incident was captured on security cameras. He said Stapp was "attacked" by several members of 311 and that it took two security guards to break up the fight.

"It was definitely started by 311," Jordan said.

Uh oh. Seems there's a problem with 311's 411. That's bad news, gentlemen. Not only did you think it'd be cool to beat up modern rock's lamest icon, but you got caught on tape doing it. And then you lied about who started the fight.

After a close reading of some of 311's work, this clash of the demigods starts to make sense. I'll leave you with a verse from their intellectual, art-rock commentary on relationships in these difficult times, a modern classic called "Fuck the Bullshit."

Just fuck the bullshit, and get with it
Its time to throw down, so I said it
Words of wisdom, thatll keep yall guessing
Cause Im tired of playing and Im tired of messin around
With all yall suckers, and stupid mother fuckers
Who put down what I do
I stand alone with a groove thats new
Now that you know that the rhymes that I say
Are mine alone and I sure you dont play
I kick in your teeth, the condescending frown
Fuck the bullshit, its time to throw down

Words to live by, yes indeed.



Anonymous Felster said...

Hey Rusty, did you hear about the bunch of college kids who "punked" scott stapp?
the url is here http://www.livejournal.com/users/tomluv/13923.html

its pretty funny... i know there is photographic evidence out there on the net... but I cant seem to find it right now...

anyways nice to see you blogging again

3:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"fuck the bullshit"'s pretty profound... who is the author?

3:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Andy, why are there no pictures of you in the new OK Go slide show? Fuck that bullshit.

5:39 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Hahaha, I like the way u think rusty!
See ya on friday in columbus! =D

6:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rusty... your amazing!!!!
love rachel

10:54 PM  
Blogger livewithoutcare said...

"he made 'inappropriate' comments" =)

11:23 PM  
Blogger Katy* said...


Don't get jealous, Rusty. Damian may be in the New York Times, but I just spent the last 20 minutes rereading a whole mess of blog entries that I'd never read before, and I can tell you, Damian can't touch the subtle wit and elegance of your "DAMN! DAMN! DAMN! GUTS! GUTS! GUTS!"

(PS I hope you retrieved your car stereo or at least replaced it.)

1:22 AM  
Anonymous stacey said...

I just imagined OK Go "throwdown" while dressed in all of their perfectly clashing finery and I've decided it would probably be one of the funniest, most disturbing things anyone could ever witness.

In other news, Paul Anka covered "Smells Like Teen Spirit".

That is all.

5:20 PM  
Anonymous setsumi said...

Rusty has come back with a classy post :)

I used to like 311 a lot but their music gets on my nerves now. The stupid fight story only makes the band poor and miserable. It looks like a downhill pop idol has her/his nude picture taken to call people's attention.

BTW, who is Scott Stapp? I think I remember that lame face.

11:21 PM  
Anonymous dana said...

Oh, my expletive. I love you, I really do. I'm was so excited to finally see another post by you. I mean, I like Jorge and all, but he's no Roosty. None can compare to you, my dahling.

This was the best written article (if you want to call it that) on the band brawl that I've read. And it made me think about the time when I was really lame and went to the Creed concert...because really, no good bands ever come to Arkansas. Once OK Go came, back when they still were with Andy Duncan, but sadly I was underage and couldn't go. But anyway, I once went to a Creed concert, and Scott Stapp was there, and he was really un-rock bandish. And by that, I mean that he was craptacular. That's when I grew out of my 8th grade "Hi my name is Dana and I listen to stupid music" phase and first heard "Get Over It" and henceforth was in love with OK Go. And here I am.

I love you. I really really do.

12:35 AM  
Anonymous mallory said...

Dear Rusty,

Please marry me as soon as possible, kthx.

I would like to agree with the above commenter who said that an OK Go bandfight would be hot. I personally would like you to pick a fight with the Hives. Though "Howlin' Pelle Almqvist, I am ready to fight" is quite a mouthful.

Someone please convince Scott Stapp to swallow his own tongue, please.

4:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rusty, myself (Jessi) and my associates (Julie, Taylor, Steph,) felt that you should know that at this very second we are having an OK Go par-tay. It is very cool. The only break in the OK Go-ness will be when we go see Narnia, but don't be insulted-we'll still think about you whilst watching it. Anyways, we're going to go eat pizza and then teach ourselves the Million Ways dance. Which could take a while, but we've got all night. We'll let you know how that venture turns out.

7:37 PM  
Blogger Satisfied '75 said...

what a douche-rocket.

10:36 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Rusty, The concert in columbus, by far the best concert i have ever been to. I was RIGHT in front of u, like, on stage. Watching u rock the whole time was oh-so-fucking-amazing. Was screaming your name the whole time. Haha, I know u heard me at least twice.

10:28 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Heh. Is it just me, or is it reeeeally satisfying when douche-rocket (tm satisfied 75) moralizers get caught behaving badly? Cases in point: Bill O'Reilly, William Bennett, Tom DeLay, Jack Abramoff, and so on. It gives me a little schadenfreude, but it also dismays me how many of these people claim to be doing it all for the Baby Jesus.

In closing, Scott Stapp fails at life.

3:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The hell with the bandfight and the paisley togs, I'd like to see OK Go lube wrestling! OMG, that would be so hot. Can't you just picture Damian and Andy in tighty-whiteys with oil on the pecs? Slurp-smack-ahhh-licious!

9:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Annnnndddy,
Fuckin I don't know why but I almost spit my Ice Tea up all over my keyboard at work when i read this line "Uh oh. Seems there's a problem with 311's 411"! That's some quick wit brutha.

Love On Le Ore

3:54 PM  
Blogger Ext. 23 said...

That was by far the greatest blog I have read in a long time. Anyone who writes like that is a friend of mine!

6:22 PM  
Anonymous Christine Sidwell said...


i DARE you to come :D

5:51 PM  
Anonymous annie nonomous said...

Why is your knickname rusty? do you have rusty teeth?

9:42 PM  
Anonymous Meggles said...

^ My Aunt wants to know, really.

umm... yeah.

If you bit her, she'd need a tetnus shot.


I don't like Scott Stapp at all. My aunt does.

9:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey ass, let me just get this straight, who are you? a shitty guitarist in a shitty band? also if your going to insult a bands work it might prove you wise to actually get the right lyrics correct if your going to make fun of them the lyrics are,
"Just fuck the bullshit to many damn fears and panic
It's time to throw down and so I said it words of
Wisdom that will keep y'all guessing cause
I'm tired of playing and I'm tired of messing around
With all those suckers
Yes, stupid mother fuckers
Who put down what we do
We stand alone with the group that's new
If I was a dwarf, I'd surely be Dopey
I'm a stoned wheat thin you can not cope G
Kick in the teeth a condescending frown
Fuck the bullshit it's time to throw down"
so i suggest you get get get get get over it. get some respect for a band whos made it further in their carrer than you will ever make it.

3:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hilarious! I felt like I was there!

3:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so I know this guy on top of me^^^ and everyone else will never read this again, But I can't let douchey mcdouchenstein from doucheville have the last post on this whole stap/311 business. Couldn't have just corrected the parts that were incorrect, instead of typing the whole thing over again? Because even if they were wrong, I'm not gonna check, I'm not reading that crap again it would take way way TOO long. oh and PS- I'm pretty sure every band starts their career thinking, "*I hope that someday we will be as big as 311 were*", followed by, " I hope we get the chance to gang bang someone as lame as scott stapp, ooo I wish Vanilla Ice was still around, or maybe yanni"

3:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

speaking of Yanni check this out http://www.yanni.com/
--okgo only can wish that they could have as nice of a mustache as yanni.

3:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Dumb ass, have you even bothered to look up 311 and what they are about? yea so that song you make metion of was written what 10 years ago... 311 spreads a postive feeling and for SA to throw a puch something must have been said..... 311 would stop a show or a song to make sure a fan that felldown was okay..... I would belive that washed out lame rocker Scott Starp would do that.... 311 is like the greatful dead of my age 29 and have been around for 16 years now, I have been to 121 of there shows and have never seen or been involded in a fight.... Even when they play fuck the bullshit... its a damn song..... Why dont you invest in some albums of theres... and listen to songs like beyoned the Gray sky, 8:16am, Love songs, Beutiful disater, Frolick room.... and then re-think your blog... next time you talk educate your self.... this is a band that takes band like the Waliers on the road with them... and black eye peas.... the roots.... Matisyahu just to name a few... do your home work strapp is a drunk!!! a wash out and started it.... make note the band has 5 members not 7....


4:51 PM  

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