Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Chapter Forty-Six: Scared Merdeless
Tim and I had a pretty classic commute today, on our way to a meeting with the wonderful people at Yahoo! Music. Tim was driving, which is an adventure all by itself. We were preparing to make a perfectly legal left turn, when out of the bleu comes a crazy French guy on a motorcycle. I can't describe how ridiculous this guy looked... sort of like Zaphod Beeblebrox doing an impression of DJ Qualls, while charging at us at full speed, clearly ignoring the red traffic light that's begging him to stop.

When he finally does see the light, the bastard stops short, leaving us in the middle of the intersection with opposing lanes of traffic barreling down on us at high rates of speed. Tim, bless his heart, was able to back out of the intersection and into the left turn lane with just moments to spare. We sat and we cursed. A lot. It's always fun to curse with Tim, because he does it in perfect high-pitched harmony, just like he sings.

With our light turned green, we were now forced to pass crazy motorcycle guy, for whom I was busily working up my best two-hands-in-the-air, "what the fuck was that?" move, until I noticed him waving at us with a stupid grin on his face. The only reaction my reptilian brain could muster was a middle finger extended in his direction. Remember: Giving in to road rage is always a bad idea.

In a split second the crazy man had u-turned, and was now screaming through my window at me. I couldn't make out every word, but his basic point was this: "Zye tweye to apowogize and zyou give me ze fingeh!!"

I told Tim to step on it, and we took off, weaving through the streets of Hollywood with a crazy biker on our tail. At every traffic light, he would pull up parallel to us, point to the side of the road and scream "Zye don't zyou pull ovah and let me zhow you a fingah!!!"

Which part of this interaction is most ridiculous?
a. That he was ready to throw down after receiving the (well-deserved) bird.
b. That he actually believed Baldy and Shrimpy Dandy Suit would brawl on the side of the road with him.
c. That he used "let me show you a finger" as a threat.
d. The post-facto blogging of it.

Finally, he caught up to us at a light, left his bike in the middle of the road and walked up to the car. He bent down and rested his arms on the bottom of Tim's open window while leaning his head into the car to give Tim a not-too-subtle warning: "Zyou bettah tell zyour fwiend he should be careful where he puts his fingahs!!" In a stroke of genius, frustration and fear, Tim turned to our assailant, looked him in the eye, and, at the top of his lungs, yelled "WE'RE LATE FOR A MEETING!" before flooring it to freedom.

In retrospect, I'm really happy all this happened.

Speaking of (possibly) French people, last week we filmed the video for "Do What You Want" with a definitely French person, Olivier Gondry, who's done videos for the Vines, Hot Hot Heat, The Stills, and many more. He used a super-cool camera setup to possibly create Matrix-esque spins and pans. Here's a picture I took with my phone:



Anonymous Anonymous said...

french men on motorcyles are reckless... i almost got hit by one in paris.

9:28 AM  
Blogger Sannie said...

The French in general are crazy. And people think New Jerseyans drive poorly. It'd be sort of funny to have seen Rusty and Tim brawl with the French guy, although not a great idea.

however, I'm looking forward to the new video.

11:35 AM  
Anonymous Erin said...


That story leaves such stereotypical images of French men in my head.

Hope the meeting went well anyway.

2:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i imagined a man with a red and white horizontallly striped three quarter sleeve shirt with black pants twisting his ling pencil thin mustache and laughing wildly. good image to have...

3:24 PM  
Anonymous james said...

Sometimes French people can be completely irrational. And really, really scary.

I was actually thinking about how insane the French are today. I was taking my global final, and I was considering blaming them for the start of World War II in my essay, but then I thought about it and figured NY State wanted actual facts as opposed to my insane rantings about the Maginot Line and how stupid an idea that was ("Hey, let's build a wall! That'll protect France from German invasion from EVERY POSSIBLE ANGLE!")...

Not that you care about my global final or my psychotic rantings on historical events and such... It was just kind of relevant, so now it's just kind of there... But hey, it sort of proves the irrational-ness of French people... Right? Right.

7:27 PM  
Anonymous Haley said...

Baldy and Shrimpy Dandy Suit, hahaha. Oh I love it. You two totally could have beat his ass I'm sure, but best not to give in to the violence, I commend you.

10:29 PM  
Anonymous Joe H. said...

HA! This happened to me the other day!!!! Except instead of a french guy... it was an elderly man in a tiny honda. He followed me for 7 miles!!!! I then pulled into the drive-thru at the bank and he got out and continued to verbally assualt me thru my closed window! He even told me he would fight me!!! He must have been over 70 years old. I was laughing my ass off and playing Bloc Party at the highest possible volume. It was so classic. He had the super high on his waist white shorts, with a florida tshirt tucked in, and tall sucks with slip ons. You cant write that shit.

12:15 AM  
Anonymous chris o said...

it's obvious you guys need security, and a driver. i nominate myself. there's nothing i like more than bashin' frenchies too, with scalding hot piles of freedom fries.

1:37 AM  
Anonymous rachel said...

hey, you guys are totally threatening. i mean it.

5:40 AM  
Anonymous Chloe said...

I think Shrimpy Dandy Suit should be your official pseudonym.

9:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

crazy french men.....

1:52 PM  
Blogger elizabertie said...

Oh my god, that was so funny.

But what the fuck was Tim thinking letting the dude come up to an OPEN window???

I'll show you a finger....that made me think of the ten point palm exploding heart technique...HA!

Glad you're not dead, boys.

5:50 PM  
Anonymous Tammie said...

the answer is c.

5:57 PM  
Anonymous Kelly said...

It's crazy driving-related incidents like this that truly bond all of us trapped in L.A. I think. I worry about spontaneous combustion sometimes when I see how angry people get, myself included! If the woman who screamed "Are you fucking insane!?" at my friend the other day had burst into flame rather than just repeating herself to us over and over... that would have been classic. The good thing about your crazy guy being French is that the French traditionally don't carry guns-- glad you're okay!

7:44 PM  
Anonymous Matt said...

Oh my god. I'm sorry, but that's hysterical. That's totally someting I or one of my friends would say to the guy. Jesus that's funny.

11:12 PM  
Anonymous srA* said...

crazy french man.
u guys totally could have kicked
le villain's ass.
my mom followed this loser who gave her the finger (after he made the mistake) for a good few miles.
sucked to be him : D

3:36 PM  
Anonymous srA* said...

crazy french man.
u guys totally could have kicked
le villain's ass.
my mom followed this loser who gave her the finger (after he made the mistake) for a good few miles.
sucked to be him : D

3:36 PM  
Anonymous Leland said...

Well i think that incident should go in a movie. and how appropriate that it happened in hollywood.

Oh the french, always living up to their monty python representation...

4:03 AM  
Blogger Bruno C√≥rdova said...

After four months and a half nobody's said that you were working with Michel Gondry's brother, the guy that created the Lego video and directed "Eternal Sunshine".
I'd like to know more about the experience of working along with "Twist", one of the most importants m/v makers nowadays.


7:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


"Baldy and Shrimpy Dandy Suit" and "WE'RE ALTE FOR A MEETING!" made me laugh out loud.

you're so funny.

12:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

French people are not all like that!I'm French... anyway, I admit, French have often supid reactions (don't like French people, even I am one of them...)
love your blog and love OK Go, this story is very funny

2:49 PM  

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